Remember when you were two years old? No? Three years old? Four years old? When your parents told you what to do and you said No? why? Because you didn’t like to be told what to do. Remember when you were teen? Student? Employee? You never liked to be told what to do. So please don’t tell me what to do, yes I’m telling you….why?
Well, when you tell me what decision to make or step to take, if it turns out to be the wrong choice, I will blame you. Now if it turns out to be the right one, it won’t really make that difference to me, because it wasn’t my decision in the first place! Got it?
There is a difference between asking for your opinion, your assistance and your help, and you, coming out of no where and tell me what you think is the best thing for me to do. With the first one, you help me get to the right solution, with it comes self confidence and believing in self. The second one, you guessed right, comes with it the feeling of being helpless, unable to make proper choices and dependent on others for my life direction!
Sometimes, you think that your choice for me is not only right, but the only right one. What will this make of me? A resentful person for the slightest idea you share with me in the future. I want to appropriate my own choice, whether it is right or wrong, it will stay my choice and I have to learn how to take responsibility of my choice’s outcome, to say the least! Besides, what you think it is right, maybe is only right in your eyes; everything is relative…
I know you have all the good intention of helping me…but the feeling of being imposed choices and solutions can be intimidating for me. I like the part of sharing my thoughts and ideas with you, but not to the extent of you parenting me! I’ve got this share from my parents! Thanks but no thanks!
I might take one year to know which degree I want to pursue, or three years to decide where I want to live, or five years to realize that I need to change a habit of mine or a life time to know what I want in this life! So what? What is more important? To take a right decision or to know why we are taking it? Stop me only if I am affecting your life or harming another human being’s one! Otherwise, don’t!
In some cases, where you really see that I am picking up the obvious wrong choice, you can show me the consequences of each choice and help me think clearer and I will get to the right one, that’s for sure! But I will own it!
Let your friends, your employees, even your kids choose…lead them to the right way, don’t drive them there…
Lao Tzu, a Chinese philosopher, said: “When the best leader’s work is done the people say, ‘We did it ourselves.’ “
When you were two years old you said No for something you didn’t really understand but all what you knew is that you didn’t want to do it! Now that you are older, can you understand me?