>2010-07-09 – Friday Whisper – Dad

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I’ve been trying to write this whisper for the past three weeks…but my mind kept going numb in front of those blank pages…as if I lost my mind when I lost my dad….

I didn’t know where to start…where to end…what to say…

I witnessed him going…although I knew I was getting closer to that moment, a part of me deep inside was waiting for a miracle to happen…just like in the movies….but I guess it only happens there not here….then, he was gone…

Still, I donno why I kept waiting for him knocking on the door, or calling to say he is on his way home….or for his call when I went out to ask me where I am and what time I will be back…

He’s gone, but all his things have stayed, his wallet is still in the last suit he had weared, his shoes are still at the same place, his rosaries are still hung on the wall…

I never met a man who was more handsome than him: always in a suit with the right tie, handkerchief, rosary, shoes, and cigarette lighter, whether going to work, to a visit or to the hospital. Even on a picnic or a walk, there was a specific handkerchief and a rosary for the occasion.Everything matches together…

He was handsome not only in his outlooks but also in his manners…he treated a kid like an adult, a poor like a rich…a stranger like a friend, and a friend like a brother…he would bring the best out of any person me meets…he believed in human equality and he acted as such…

He was that kind of person whom if you meet once you would remember him for a lifetime, let alone living with him!

And he treated each one of us as his only child….with dedicated attention, support and guidance…He would take the time to listen to us, try to understand what we are doing, where we are heading in our lives, and would help us make the right decision…Even when we go wrong, he would stand by us till we find the righteous way again.

Usually the life of parents revolve around their children. In our case, not only that, but the life of each one of us revolved around him, not because he asked us to do so, but because we wanted to; Each one of us felt a whole person by doing so.

That’s why I felt I lost my compass when he was gone and I didn’t know to which direction to turn anymore….

I lived with my dad the 39 years of my life, I am not sure I will live as long as that with any man on earth…no man will be able to beat this record!

He was in my everyday rituals, so tell me how would I fill those gaps?

Sometimes, when I think of how fortunate I was to have him in my life all this time whereas some had lost their dad at a much earlier age or maybe never got the chance to meet them, how fortunate I was to have a dad who made me proud to be his daughter, how fortunate I was to learn from him and be guided by him, I feel better.

Sometimes, when I think how he was blessed to leave before his illness gets worse, and how he escaped lots of pain ahead, I feel much better.

Sometimes, when I look around and see that now he is spared all the problems of this world and how he is in a better place, I feel much much better.

But there are times where all this doesn’t matter and I just want him here, in good health and shape, for another talk or another walk, another joke, another round of coffee, or another ping pong game, just like the old times; at those moments, I feel so much in pain…

Dad, wherever you are, whisper to me so that I can get back to life again…

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