“Get out of my face! Go now! I’m angry! I can’t stand any thing!”
And here you are saying whatever, acting whatever, don’t listen to anyone, and for sure not listening to yourself!!! You’re angry, you can’t control yourself and the fun part is that you really believe it!!!
Now if I’m not screaming back in your face, don’t think that I can’t roar in return or I didn’t learn insulting words, or I’m scared of you!!! It is simply that I decided long time ago that I don’t want to go down to this level and I’d rather control my anger!!!
Anger is a healthy and normal emotion; it happens whenever you are disappointed, you lost something or someone, you feel you’ve been treated unfairly…and expressing your anger will help you ventilate and feel better…sometimes we do it by bitching, screaming, calling names, smashing cups and plates…oh God!!! It feels sooo good!!! Problem is when you loose your temper, you solved one issue (that is, need to ventilate) and created a new one that you will have to deal with afterwards; like what? Well, I can think of many and for sure you can help me here – you might have said/did something where you:
-insult your spouse/partner/friend
-scare your kids
-belittle your colleague
-disappoint your parent
-hurt your sibling
-or the worst, might end up hitting the person in front of you!
What might be the outcome? Among others:
-loose a promotion because of your known character
-be avoided by nicer-than-you people who’ve seen you loose it
-loose your partner or friend
-damage your relationship with your parent/sibling
Be aware that when you are screaming, you are:
-and for sure less respected
Here is a story that I couldn’t find a better one to express what loosing your temper can do to you and others:
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.”
You are master of the word you didn’t say and slave for the one you did… Ambrose Bierce said: “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
I don’t want you to bury your anger and hold a grudge either, which will be damaging to you…I want you to find a way to control it and express it responsibly.
So what can you do to practice anger control? There are many tips out there but let me share with you basic ones:
• Breath, breath and breath, till you feel the storm inside has calmed down.
• Repeat calming words loudly “calm down, calm down” or “nothing is unsolvable” or “nothing is worth damaging my health”
• Once you’re calm express your anger or write it down. Use “I” instead of “you”; for instance “I felt scared” instead of “you didn’t protect me”
• Think about what is bigger, your anger or the problem itself; was it worth it?
• Think about what was said to you; was it true?
• Try to find solutions to solve the problem; your energy will be better spent here.
Too many steps to follow? Here’s a simpler one: when feeling angry and about to loose it, shut up and walk away (or hang up if on the phone) then come back later and read the previous steps!
Sydney J. Harris, a journalist, said: “If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size? “
Be angry but don’t be cruel; be angry but don’t loose control…