2011-04-29 – Friday Whisper – I’m Still Single…


Have I told you that I turned 40? And do you know that I’m still single? Well, if you read some of my previous blogs you would know 😉
For those of you who are still single like me, you might find familiar what I will talk about here… For those who are not, you would see what would have happened if you didn’t get married 🙂
So here’s what I got so far:
When I meet new people (men or women) and start chatting, the moment they know that I’m still single, they pause for a second, thinking, wondering, then ask the famous question “you are beautiful, funny and educated, so how come you are still single?” with a suspicious look that hides another question “what is it that you are hiding behind this façade!” In the beginning I used to try to explain what I’m looking for and why it didn’t happen…but now, I have one answer for them: “well, I have a rare disease that makes me wake up at night and bite the person sleeping next to me!” this way I avoid any further questions 😉
Some friends, out of care, go the extra mile of helping me to find a prospect in my network:
Them: “why don’t you think of X, he’s 40 something, single, educated and well established!”
Me: “Oh! Right!!! Thanks for mentioning it, I never paid attention to him!”
Or “I know, I love him but I’m not his type unfortunately!!!!” it is where they tell me: “Work on him!” (In order to attract his attention). So I start to think of different ways of working on him: hmmm…shall I put him on a table, put my laptop on top of him and do my work? Or shall I put him on the iron table and iron my clothes!!!
Them: “Why don’t you think of X, he’s a good match? Even if he comes from a different religion, convert him! You will go to heaven!”
Me: “Hmmm!!! No thanks, I prefer Hell; it’s more fun!”
Now come to the advices:
“You should try to be less smart as men are afraid of smart women”, hmmm… do I want those myself?
“You should dress sexier, reveal more, to attract men’s attention”, do I want to show myself for all men? Hell no!
“You should wear more makeup, go more often to the hairdresser” Well, I prefer moderate makeup to keep enjoying my healthy skin, and looking like a model coming out of a magazine, everyday, isn’t really my type!
“You should speak this way, look this way or laugh that way”, I’m used to who I am and I like it so far!
“You should lower your standards” what do you really mean by that? You mean since I’m getting older with time?
“You should lower your requirements”, you are assuming that I have impossible ones!!!
“You should ask for less”, like what? An insecure man?
“You should be open to different religion”, my religion is my lifestyle and our lifestyle should be similar to have a balanced healthy life…
And guess what? I’ve seen women who reveal almost everything, wearing makeup every single morning and got a membership at the hairdresser, and yet they are still single… wasted energy, time & money if you are doing it to get married!
I’ve met men in my life, none of which was the person I was looking for…and in some cases, I thanked the guys who left me in my heart (yes it happened:) before I committed the mistake of getting married to the wrong guy…
But each one of them helped me learned a bit about myself, what I want, what I don’t want and what I really can’t live without. Did I want it this way? Not necessarily; of course it would have been more simple if I met the right guy the very first time and get done with it… but it just didn’t happen…
So why am I still single? Because I don’t want to be with a person who doesn’t appreciate me and accept me for who I am… a person for whom being with me or without me would be the same for him… a person who doesn’t respect my mind and accept me as a whole human being… a person who doesn’t want to be with me… a person with whom I can’t share my happiness and sorrows, my morning coffee and night cuddling in front of the TV… a person with whom I can’t share a book I read or a news I heard… a person with whom I can’t have a discussion or debate or even a fight, in a decent way… a person who cannot accept that we might be different in some ways, on some subjects and still want each other… a person who cannot trust me, respect me, and love me unconditionally…a person who needs a specific reason to call me… a person who takes me for granted… a person who cannot be my friend…. a person who doesn’t read my blogs (hmmm…I think this one is too much!;)
Do I still want to get married? You bet I want to! But marriage is a means to be with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, not a goal by itself…
I’m alone not lonely! And I know that I don’t want to settle for anything less than happiness and serenity… if I wanted to settle for less, I would have done it long time ago, don’t you think so?
Kahlil Gibran, a Lebanese author, said: “It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.”
And Timothy Oliveira, an American artist, said: “There are two kinds of sparks, the one that goes off with a hitch like a match, but it burns quickly. The other is the kind that needs time, but when the flame strikes… it’s eternal, don’t forget that.”
How long would I be single for? Maybe for the rest of my life or maybe for the rest of my week… You never know 😉
“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
Rania Hammoud, Life Coach
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