2011-05-06 – Friday Whisper – Is It Really Worth it?


Why married men and women flirt with other women/men than their partners? And why it hurts so much their partners?
I’m not pretending to be an expert on relationships but I tried to understand it more; so here’s what I found of reasons why they do it:
-He/she is having a midlife crisis
-He/she is unhappy with partner
-He/she is not sexually attracted to partner
-He/she likes the attention other women/men give him/her
-He/she is bored with married life
-He/she is insecure about self
-It makes him/her feel better about himself/herself
-He/she needs to validate his attractiveness and sexuality
-He/she thinks flirting is harmless
-He/she is looking to have an affair
-It is exciting for him/her
-He/she needs to feel liked, being popular, or being thought of as funny, entertaining, attractive, or sexy
-As a passive-aggressive way of getting even with the partner. He/she may have felt rejected sexually and emotionally, so the flirting can be a message to the partner to shape up or risk losing the marriage
-An attempt to get the wife/husband’s attention
Do any of those reasons sound familiar to you? Are you experiencing any of them?
But do you think all those reasons justify the flirting? Or is it us who justify it!
If your wife is making you her priority, why do you still flirt with your colleagues at work?
If your husband is looking constantly after you, why do you still need to post your sexy pictures on Facebook and look forward for comments from strangers?
If your wife gave you her care and love, why do you still looking for girls to flirt with on the Internet?
Whether your partner is trying hard to make you happy or ignoring totally your needs, what does flirting give you beside the 30 seconds self-satisfaction which is in most cases illusional?
You might tell me that your wife is not giving you enough attention, that your husband doesn’t really understand you… maybe your wife is not taking care of herself or your husband is spending too much time at work neglecting you… and I’m sure you can give me hundred reasons here…
My question is: have you taken a minute and asked yourself what would be another alternative to flirting for you? Have you thought of discussing what is bothering you with your partner? Actually, have you looked recently in the mirror?
When was the last time you went out on a date with your partner?…When was the last time you dressed up sexy for your partner?… when was the last time you actually flirted with your partner? yeah, yeah, yeah… I know… kids, work, bills, obligations… but it seems all this disappears when you flirt with others!
I don’t know how my partner, if I had one, would feel if I flirted with other men… but I know that, if he flirted with other women, I would feel hurt, insulted, betrayed, crushed, unwanted, lonely, and unloved… I would loose this feeling of security that I had with him, in just few minutes… something that might take a long time before I would feel it again with him…
Anthony Robbins, a motivational speaker and a life coach, said: “Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.”
And Scott Alexander, a British businessman, said: “All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.”
Flirting might give you few minutes of satisfaction, but will give your partner days of aching… is it really worth it?

Rania Hammoud, Life Coach
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