When things go wrong in our lives, many of us ask the following question: “Why is this happening to me? Why me??!!!”
“Why did I have to loose my job?
Why did my car die on me?
Why did I fall on the wrong partner?
Why do I have health problems?
Why do I have to loose a dear one?
Why do I have this disability?
Why did I get such parents or kids?
Why did I have to go through this divorce?
Why do I have to live on a strict budget?
Why is this happening to me over and over again?
Why me and not someone else?!!”
Well my question for you is: Why not you?! Why makes you think that what is happening to you should happen to anyone else but you??!!!
Now if you believe in God, you will even go one step further… “What did I do to God to deserve this?” Are you serious? As if you can do ANYthing to God!!!! And do you think God needs an excuse to smash you if He wants to? Or are you saying that God is being unfair to you? As if you have been fair to yourself or to others during your whole life in the first place?
On the other hand, how come I don’t hear you saying: “Why is it me who is getting the greatest job? or is the smartest in class? or is getting the bonus this year? or is married to the sweetest man/woman on earth?”… It seems the question pops up only when bad things happen!!!
Why you? Maybe because you need to realize things in this life… Maybe because you need to go through it for you to understand what others are going through… Maybe it will bring the best out of you… Maybe to give you a chance to practice your patience that has been dormant for a while now!!! Maybe to appreciate what you already have and others don’t…. Maybe to start asking more serious questions and worry about serious matters… Maybe it is time to see things from a different perspective, to make a major change in your life… And maybe when you move to the next phase of your life, you will understand why…
The “Why me” question can lead you to a whining or even victimizing cycle that you will use over and over again in every negative event that happens to you… the best part? Because you are focused on trying to find an answer to it, you stop moving forward in your life… you become like a hamster on a wheel, running all the time but going nowhere…dwelling on it becomes a comfort zone where you will prefer to stay instead of moving on…
How to change this? The next time you ask yourself this question, replace it with one of the following exit-from-the-loop question: “What can I do about it””… “What is the lesson that I need to learn?” …“How can I go through it this time?”… “How can I avoid it the next time?”… “Who can help me with this”… “What is it that I didn’t do and I should have done?”…
Khalil Gibran, a Lebanese-American author and painter, said: “Some of you say, ‘Joy is greater than sorrow,’ and others say, ‘Nay, sorrow is the greater.’ But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed”
And Joseph Russell, a Paralympian in Powerlifting and who was injured in a car accident at the age of 19, said: “My competitive spirit didn’t stop because I became physically disabled. I never said, ‘Why me?’ After my car accident, I still said, ‘Now, what’s my purpose?’ ”
On one day life seems fair, the other day it is not… it depends what lenses we are using…
Rania Hammoud, Life Coach
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