2011-10-28 – Friday Whisper – Are you taking him for granted?

Or are you taking her for granted???

Many of you have done it, still doing it or will be doing it without knowing!

I find it interesting how sometimes we pay attention when dealing with strangers but don’t when dealing with our spouses…

The moment you get married, you think that your job is done; you got what you want and nothing is to be worked on anymore….WROOOOOOONG! Your job has just started!!!!

You start taking your spouse for granted when:

-You stop putting effort to impress them (he or she)

-You feel you can yell all what you want since they are going nowhere

-You think you are right or you won if, during a fight, they kept silent

-You make them the lowest of your priority; your work, your friends, your bigger family comes first

-You think they should take care of all the responsibilities and daily errands

-You think that it is enough to remember their birthday or your marriage anniversary

-You think that gifts are only given on occasions

-You think that saying “I love you”, “I miss you”, “thank you” is not necessary anymore

-You are focusing on the negative qualities of your spouse, forgetting the positive ones that brought you close in the first place!

You are making a HUUUGE mistake that won’t show up now, but it will, definitively, in 3, 5, 7, 10 or even 30 years!!! Guaranteed!

You see, the “love reservoir” of your spouse needs to be maintained… every negative event will take a small tiny bit off it… every small tiny positive event will add a big chunk to it…

With time, the moment the reservoir is emptied, your spouse will just open the door and leave, without a single word, in one-way direction… filling it again at that moment would be just close to impossible!

The bigger problem is, if your spouse found someone else who knows how to handle this reservoir, the move will happen in a heartbeat! It happened before! It will happen again!!!

Sometimes your wife needs to share her worries with you, without you finding her any solutions!!! She is just looking for comfort!

Sometimes he needs to be left alone to gather himself together without “having to talk about it”!

He is not your punching bag upon which you can vent your frustrations!!!

She is not the only one responsible of cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, children!!!

Stop trying to control your husband’s actions, behaviors or activities, you are not his mother!!!!

Stop trying to tell her where she should go, whom she should talk to, what is best for her, you are not her father!!!

He can’t read your mind, she can’t guess what you need!

He is not your ATM machine! She is not your scapegoat!

I don’t mean that you should deal with your spouse with gloves all the time…but that if you decide to lean completely on your spouse, you have to remember that sometimes they’ve got to have the chance to do that too!!!

You have to feel comfortable to say what you want, when you want to your partner… it is the HOW that makes the whole difference!!! How you communicate your discomfort, your need, your request, and at the same time listening to theirs as well…

Bertrand Russel, an English philosopher, said: “In all affairs, love, religion, politics, or business, it’s a healthy idea, now and then, to hang a question mark on things you have long taken for granted”

There is nothing like having a person who knows all your qualities and flaws and still think you are exceptional and unique…just make sure you don’t wake up one day and finds out that you lost such person for ever!

Rania Hammoud, Life Coach


Check also my blog at http://raniahammoud.blospot.com

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