When your man tells you something, he means only what he says, no more nor less. If you look up the meaning of his words in a dictionary, he would be meaning that exact definition, nothing else.
If he says “the meal you prepared needs some salt”, he doesn’t mean that you don’t know how to cook neither does he mean that his mother cooks better than you! And when he finishes his statement, it ends there! He doesn’t dwell on it for two more days! Moreover, the next time he repeats that sentence, he already forgot that he said it last week, unless you remind him!!!
Most of the fights in couples are caused by the misunderstanding that happens between what one person says and what the other hears by it.
Women tend to use words that can hold different meaning. Men would understand only the basic meaning; they cannot understand the emotions attached to the words to predict what women want really to say…
Men communicate what they think, women communicate what they feel.
This is when the frustration begins, she feels that he doesn’t feel her pain that she is being misunderstood, and he feels too confused, trying so hard to understand what she wants.
When she is talking, don’t try to find her solution, just pay attention to her feelings, and tell her that you understand her pain (even if you don’t understand her words!), because she needs to feel that you are supporting her. If she wants a solution, she knows how to find one.
When he is talking, just take his words as they are, and validate your understanding with him before judging him. If he means something else, he will say something else.
John Gray, an American author, in his book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, said: “When a man can listen to a woman’s feelings without getting angry and frustrated, he gives her a wonderful gift. He makes it safe for her to express herself. The more she is able to express herself, the more she feels heard and understood, and the more she is able to give a man the loving trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement that he needs.”
Listen to him with your logic. Listen to her with your heart.
Rania Hammoud, Life Coach
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