2015-06-12 – Friday Whisper – Procrastination…

Do you think you procrastinate a lot? Do you keep postponing what you want to start? Do you find it difficult to stick to a routine that you wish to follow? You have maybe googled how to fight procrastination, and for sure you have found lots and lots of websites telling you to do some time management, list your to-do list, set the right priorities, get a support group to encourage you to stick to your gym or diet, meditate, etc…. But if you don’t have this incentive, this energy, this excitement to do all this, nothing will be done…you will keep sitting on that couch, watching TV mindlessly, eating your food emotionally, and getting closer to a depression, slowly but surely…. And all what you keep telling yourself is that: you should start, you must do this or that, you keep failing yourself, time is running, you are getting older, you are getting fatter, you are not moving forward in your career or education, and so on, and so on…. While you are still there on that couch…

You think it is because you are procrastinating that you can’t reach any of those goals…

Let me tell you, procrastination is not a reason but a consequence…a consequence of a fear, an emotional load that you have been feeling for a while now… what could it be?

Is it a fear to go outside your comfort zone? Fear of failing? Fear of not accomplishing your goals perfectly? Did you live through a separation, a loss of a beloved one, a miscarriage, a major sickness? Have you been struggling with your self-confidence? Have you been struggling to seek approval of your dad or mom, even if you are in your 30’s, 40’s or 50’s? Are you struggling with your current relationship? Have you been struggling to make ends meet?

Unless you decide to deal with your fear and emotional load first, this will keep pulling you back and hindering you from moving forward.

Maybe you need to face, maybe you need to admit, maybe you need to fight, maybe you need to say No, maybe you need to open up, maybe you need to let go, maybe you need to forgive, or maybe you need to start anew…

Face your daemons, face what you have been avoiding for years now, stop putting it under the carpet or burying it deep down in your soul… it is a living thing that will keep trying to get on the surface, no matter how hard you will try to push it down…

Once you do this, I guarantee you that you will move from one accomplishment to another, with no sweat! All the time management tools and tips you once found on the Internet will become handy and very easy to apply…

Brandon Lee, an American actor, said: “You only have the burdens on you that you choose to put there.”

And George Bernard Show, an Irish playwright, said: “People become attached to their burdens more than the burdens are attached to them”

Don’t waste your years in avoidance or denial… it is not worth it, you deserve to feel satisfied, accomplished and happy…

2015-06-12 – Friday Whisper – Procrastination3

Rania Hammoud, ACC, Life Coach

www.perfectmind.ca

Check also my blog at http://raniahammoud.blospot.com or at raniahammoud.wordpress.com

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2015-04-17 – Friday Whisper – Sri Lanka…

Last week, we went on a short trip to Sri Lanka. Beautiful country indeed…the landscape, waterfalls, rainforests, tea plants, beaches… We visited many cities; Negombo, Kitulgala, Panawala, Kandy, and Nuwara Eliya… Rafting was amazing, hiking was refreshing, visiting a tea factory was informative, riding a speed boat was lots of fun…

The Temple of the Tooth was another beauty; mosques, churches, and temples co-exist peacefully over there…

Yet what I liked most is the simplicity of their life…

They are living easily without a Micheal Kors bag or Dior glasses… They don’t need to be connected all the time… Women look beautiful without cosmetic surgery… Kids are happy without owning tens of different electronic devices…

For many students, their only means of going to school is their legs…they would walk up hills, down hills, road sides, to get to school… for many workers, their shoes are their feet… for tea workers, their daily wages do not exceed $6…

Yet for all of these people, a simple hello or wave can make them smile…

It reminded me that simple life, albeit its difficulties sometimes, can be sufficient to be happy…

I know that if we would give them the choice, many would opt for luxury… and I know most probably I won’t be able to live their lives….yet it made me think how many times we feel bored even with a TV, a mobile, orlaptop…even with a car that can takes us where we want to… How many times we whine because “today’s lunch is the same food as yesterday’s!”, or that our car or phone is not the latest model, or the Internet is too slow because it is taking a whole 3 minutes to download!… How many times we complained that we don’t have enough clothes in our closet (since 4 suits or 5 dresses or 6 pants aren’t enough!)

There is no problem with luxury, there is no problem with wanting to own different things as long as we can afford them and doesn’t make them broke…my problem is when we tie our happiness to those things and feel deprived or poor if we don’t have them…

Lionel Shriver, an American Author, said: “A lot of people get so hung up on what they can’t have that they don’t think for a second about whether they really want it.”

And Bertrand Russel, a British philosopher, said: “It is the preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else that prevents us from living freely and nobly.”

Drop material stuff, gather more life experiences, and Life will have a different taste!

Ramboda Falls

Ramboda Falls

Tea plants workers

Tea plants workers

Rania Hammoud, ACC, Life Coach

www.perfectmind.ca

Check also my blog at http://raniahammoud.blospot.com or at raniahammoud.wordpress.com

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2015-03-27– Friday Whisper – A Letter…

If your children are to write you a letter about how you care about them, aside from the material stuff you get them, what would they write?

20 years from now, would their childhood be something they look back at with a smile or with tears?

40 years from now, how would your children remember you? What would they be nostalgic for? What would they miss from their lives with you?

Once you have children, it is not about you anymore…not about what you like or don’t like, nor it is about what would annoy you or frustrate you… it is about them…You need to get into their world, not the other way around…

You need to get to know them, what they like or dislike, what is their favorite music, movie, food, friends… what they are passionate about and what they are afraid from…

They want you to meet their friends, and they want you to be proud of them in front of them…

You cannot raise your children the way you were raised… they live in a different time, different parents, different place, and different society than yours…

You are not your dad… you are not your mom… and your children are not you…. so you cannot behave like your parents with your children…

And your children are more than just a grade or behavior or a way of thinking…. Each child is a complete world, just like you are…

If grades were what define a person, we wouldn’t have antisocial nerds…we wouldn’t have famous rich drop-out-college people…I am not saying our kids shouldn’t pursue education, I am saying they are more than just a number or an end-of-year average…

If labeling were a way to raise a child, we wouldn’t have low self-esteemed men and women…

If verbal and physical violence were a way to correct a child’s behavior, we wouldn’t have criminals or drug addicts or drunks…

If constant criticism were a way to make a child behave better, we wouldn’t have judgmental adults…

If material stuff was enough to prove that you care about them, we wouldn’t have happy poor people… we wouldn’t have rich people who commit suicide…

A praise by a mom or a dad can never be taken away by the criticism of the world… and a criticism by a mom or a dad will never be replaced by the praise of the world.

Home is more than just a place where we live… it is a place where we feel appreciated, accepted, respected, taken care of, secure and loved… a place that we want to come back to when we are tired, when life does us bad rounds, when we need comfort and help…

Frederick Douglas, an American author, said: “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

And Bill Ayers, an American elementary education theorist, said: “Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.”

Show your love, compassion and empathy, so that your children will strive to become the parent you are for their children…

2015-03-27 – Friday Whisper – a Letter

Rania Hammoud, ACC, Life Coach

www.perfectmind.ca

Check also my blog at http://raniahammoud.blospot.com or at raniahammoud.wordpress.com

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2015-03-13 – Friday Whisper – Seen, Safe and Understood…

I was listening to one of the videos of Anthony Robbins about what makes relationship works; one of the things he said was: “If you want to keep your woman happy and satisfied, you need to know this: A woman needs to be Seen, Safe and Understood.”

She needs to be seen by her man, needs to feel that she is getting his attention…Don’t address her only when you want to ask her to get you something, ask her about something, or blame her for something…

She needs to feel safe… that her partner will be her refuge, will defend her, will provide for her, and will be there for her when she needs him most…Don’t be the first person she ran away from, rather than run towards him…

She needs to feel understood, heard… She needs to feel that she can communicate what is bothering her and he will be there to comfort her, trying to understand her pain… Don’t be there waiting for her to finish her argument, only to start responding to prove yourself right…It is more important to be in love than to be right…

Oh! And when you get intimate with her, shower her with kisses and touches everywhere…make sure that you are making love to her rather than just having sex…

Leo Buscaglia, an American author and motivational speaker, said: “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

And a quote from an unknown said: “Every woman’s heart has instructions. They are written in her eyes, in her smile, through her actions and in her tears. All she has to do is run into someone who cares enough to read them.”

The problem is not that your woman wakes up one day hating you… the problem is if she wakes up feeling indifferent towards you…

Spring nature background with grass and blue sky in the back

Rania Hammoud, Life Coach

http://www.perfectmind.ca

Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/Rania_Hammoud

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2015-02-27 – Friday Whisper – Stretch Marks…

“He became part of my life even if I don’t want him anymore, he is part of my history, just like a stretch mark…” said one of my good friends, while we were laying down on the beach under the sun…

“My daughter is 18… I didn’t feel those years passing, it feels like yesterday…” told me another good friend of mine while we were sitting having coffee, I replied “you did feel them, all those nights and days, when she gave you hard time and cries, when she gave you love and smiles, it is just that you don’t remember them, but they left a trace, just like a stretch mark…”

We have lots of stretch marks in our souls, we just don’t pay attention to them, as stretch marks don’t hurt, they just exist… they are called the scars of the soul…

Any incident that you experience, accompanied with emotional pain will create a wound in your soul; A love story that was left unfinished… a parent that you will grow up without… a physical or verbal abuse that you have endured…a sexual harassment that you have experienced… a mistreatment especially by loved ones… a betrayal of trust by a friend or a lover… the loss of a dear one to death… some of those wounds are healable, some are not…

After such events, you are never the same… even if you wanted to go back to what you used to be before them, you just can’t… it will be a lost battle as there is a “new you” now…

But until you accept the fact that you have been wounded and it is time to deal with your wound, it will keep hurting you and affecting the way you look at life, the way you make choices in career or love, the way you choose your partner or friends, the way you treat yourself… and a wound will continue to bleed until you treat it…Touch it with compassion, stick your hands inside, even if it hurts, and heal it… Only then it will become a scar or a stretch mark, that will tell you that you are healed, yet will always remind you of what you have been through…

Khalil Gibran, a Lebanese artist, poet and writer, said: “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

And Tori Amos, an American singer and musician, said: “Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.”

Stretch marks will always be there, sitting in the back of your mind, part of your history, a witness to your life…

2015-02-27 - Friday Whisper - Stretchmarks1

Rania Hammoud, Life Coach

http://www.perfectmind.ca

Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/Rania_Hammoud

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2014-12-12 – Friday Whisper – He Took My Spot…

Few weeks ago, my sister stumbled upon a voicemail note from our late dad and sent it to me…when I heard it, I realized how much I have been missing him and his voice, I treated myself to a good cry…. all I wanted is to go back 10 years in time and stay there, where dad was still alive, where everything seemed fine…

“He took my spot” my friend said when I was giving her my condolences for the passing away of her brother, a man at his 40’s; he had a sudden heart attack and left our world… just like that…

Every time we bury a loved one, we bury a piece of our soul with them…and we cry over that piece for the rest of our lives…

Unless you have lost a dad or a mom, you don’t know how it feels…

Unless you have lost a brother or sister, you won’t know how it feels…

Unless you have lost a spouse or a child, you won’t know how it feels…

Only if you’ve lost one of them, you would stop complaining about a cold coffee, or a long wait in the line, or the traffic… You would stop crying over a spilled juice or a forgotten rotten meal in the fridge…

If you knew you would lose one of them tomorrow, or that they will get a life threatening disease, maybe you will stop complaining today about your dad calling you many times to come home or not buying you stuff you want… or your mom’s loads of advices…or your old folks repeating their own stories of “in our days” over and over again…

You would stop complaining about your husband eating loudly or snoring at night, or your wife not doing things your way, or your kid being late again or not studying enough…

You would stop complaining about your brother borrowing your stuff without asking you first, or your sister taking your car and not returning on time…

I know all these things can be very annoying sometimes, yet compared to losing your dear ones, trust me, those things become silly and of no importance….

So don’t wait till you are very close to losing them to express your disapproval in a more gentle, considerate and empathic way… and maybe some stuff are not really important to sweat over them, if you give it another thought…

Don’t take people and things in your life for granted… Cherish the parts you have instead of looking to the missing ones…

Epicurus, an ancient Greek philosopher, said: “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

And Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “Gabriel came to me and said: ‘O Muhammad, live as long as you want, for you will die. Love whomever you want, for you will leave them.”

Whatever you do today will become the memory of tomorrow…make sure you are making a good one!

2014-12-12 - Friday Whisper - He took my spot

Rania Hammoud, Life Coach

http://www.perfectmind.ca

Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/Rania_Hammoud

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2014-09-19 – Friday Whisper – Your Past…

Few months ago, I went to Montreal for a short visit. I passed by all places where I used to live and work… I visited wonderful people I worked with them once, had coffee/lunch/diner with amazing friends I shared good times with before…

That’s the same metro station I used to get off everyday, that’s the same street I used to walk to work, that the same grocery where I used to shop everyday, that’s the same restaurant I used to eat from time to time with the work gang.

That’s the neighborhood I used to live for years, and that’s our house where we had very special days…

I felt I was watching myself 10 years younger going here and there, doing this and that, waiting for this metro, this bus, this train, or driving in that direction… It felt as if I am living in my past again, felt nostalgic for those days, maybe not the freezing ones, LOL!

It is amazing how part of the old us might still be living in us without us knowing, and how small events can retrieve that part in us very quickly…

And I thought… How would it feel if we could really walk into our past again, finish the unfinished business, do what we should have done, say the words we should have said, express our gratitude and appreciation to people who contributed positively to our lives… forgive people who hurt us and become free of the hate… say our apologies to people we have hurt… say our last goodbye…

We may not be able to undo what had happened, but we can get a closure to it and be at peace in our present to be able to move lighter into our future…

Whatever you are holding to, is it making you happy? If not, how about letting it go? What are you trying to avoid by holding on to it? What are you afraid of facing or dealing with? And what will happen if you let go?

Paulo Coelho said: “Close some doors today. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere”

As for me, I realized my trip was a ceremony to celebrate a great stage of life and get ready for an even more exciting one 🙂

Montreal, you will always be in my heart…

2014-09-19 - Friday Whisper - Visiting your past

“Set fire to the broken pieces; start anew.”

 

Rania Hammoud, Life Coach

http://www.perfectmind.ca

http://www.twitter.com/Rania_Hammoud

Check also my blog at http://raniahammoud.blogspot.com

Or https://raniahammoud.wordpress.com

You can also like my Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/PerfectMindLifeCoaching

 

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