2016-02-05 – Friday Whisper – Not in Your World…

Have you ever thought that your child’s world is different than yours? Did it cross your mind that they might have different priorities, different expectations, different perception and different experience than yours?

When your kid wants to share her dream of last night with you, she needs to do it now, it is very important to her; she doesn’t care if it is 6:00 am in the morning, or if you have a headache or if you’re running late for work, or your mind is busy with something else, it is not her problem, her life revolves around her dream right now.

When your kid wants to tell you what happened today at school from the moment he rushed in the door, he doesn’t care if you had a rough day or you just had a big fight with your spouse; his news is much more important.

Make sure if you don’t give them the attention they need when they need it, they will understand it as you don’t care about them since you don’t care about what they want to say…

And they link everything that happens to them. If you’re sick or tired, it is because their behavior or what they didn’t do. If you’re shouting it is because they misbehaved. You know I was once pregnant and had a miscarriage. I heard by coincidence a conversation between my 9-years old twins back then, telling each other that it is their mistake I lost the baby because they made me shout the other day. Can you image the guilt they were living? I explained to them that it wasn’t true and that the baby was sick. They asked many questions before they were relieved and believed it wasn’t their fault!

Even worse, we hold them responsible for our sadness, anger or happiness: “I will be very sad if you don’t get high grade”, or “ you made me shout because you did so & so”. By this, we are teaching them that we are not responsible of our reactions or our well-being. The results? They will grow up blaming others for their own mood, reactions or failures…

We are their raw model, their first contact and experience with the outer world. And guess what? They will do what we do, not what we tell them to do.

Next time you get angry with your kid, stop and think:

-what made him/her behave this way? What is happening in his/her mind?

-what is triggering my anger? And what choices I have for reactions?

-how can I change this problem into an opportunity to convey a value or a lesson to my kid?

Joyce Brothers, an American psychologist, said: “If a child is given love, he becomes loving … If he’s helped when he needs help, he becomes helpful. And if he has been truly valued at home … he grows up secure enough to look beyond himself to the welfare of others.”

And Kevin Heath, an Australian footballer, said: “In the end, kids won’t remember that fancy toy or game you bought for them, they will remember the time you spent with them.”

Take the time to ask them and understand what is going in their mind. Their world is different than yours and it is your responsibility to understand and make the distinction, not theirs!

theirinnervoice

Your words become their beliefs

 

Rania Hammoud, ACC,Life Coach

www.perfectmind.ca

Check also my blog at http://raniahammoud.blospot.com or at raniahammoud.wordpress.com

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2016-01-22 – Friday Whisper – The Life I want…

The other day I asked myself a question:” if a doctor told you that you have a terminal disease and that you’ve got only one year to live, what would be your reaction?”. And my immediate response was: “I would live the life I want to the fullest”. Now my very next question was: “and what would the life you want look like?”, this is where my mind went totally blank!!!! And I wondered, was it that I didn’t know what I want or maybe I am already living the life I want? I couldn’t answer this either…

I realized that answering the question “What do you want?” is not as easy as it seems. What do you want to do in your life? What do you want to achieve? What do you want your future to look like? When you reach your future, what do you want your past to look like? In short, What Do You Want?

I’d like to think that I am getting it all in my life, yet I want to make sure of that. I don’t want to wake up 10 years down the road and discover that I missed on achieving something very important to me, that I totally overlooked and realize that it is too late to do it…

If I can figure out what is my purpose on this earth, how do I want to make use of the time left for me, maybe this can help me know how to design the life I want…

Maybe one of the ways to figure this out is to ask the 8-years old child in you what does he/she like and not like about the person you are today…

Another way to ask yourself if you had the magic wand with unlimited choices what things would you create? After the cars, houses, clothes, accessories, gadgets you got yourself, what else would you get?

A third way that helps you is if you can point out your passion, maybe you would be on the right way as well… and trust me, this is not easy to do as well!

A forth way is to think about what do you want people to remember you for, once you leave this life? What would you like your legacy to be?

Now once you are able to figure this out, start acting on designing the life you want; don’t wait for a terminal illness to do so!!!

Alan Alda, an American author and actor, said: “Be brave enough to live life creatively. The creative place where no one else has ever been.”

And Pope Paul VI, said: “Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.”
I am off to figure out the life I want, what about you?

driverlife

Rania Hammoud, ACC,Life Coach

www.perfectmind.ca

Check also my blog at http://raniahammoud.blospot.com or at raniahammoud.wordpress.com

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2016-01-08 – Friday Whisper – Turning a Blind Eye…

Every time I stumble upon sad or violent news, I turn a blind eye and carry on.

I don’t want to know what is happening in Madaya, or in Dunkrik & Calais refugee camps,  what is happening in the refugee camps in Lebanon, Jordan or Turkey, or with the refugees waiting at European borders, especially in this freezing season..

I don’t want to know about the daily life of people in Syria…

I don’t want to know what happened to Aylan Kurdi before he drowned, neither about all the refugees who lost their lives in the sea.

I don’t want to know what happened to people during the war on Afghanistan and Iraq and the aftermaths of that.

I don’t want to know what is happening to women that being captured by ISIS.

I don’t want to know what is happening with the people of Yemen.

I don’t want to know what is happening in Myanmar.

I don’t want to know what the rebel groups are doing in Burma, Somalia, Ethiopia, Niger, Cameron and Chad.

I don’t want to know about the daily on-going suffering of Palestinians.

I don’t want to know about the people who were beheaded or hanged or shot just because they expressed their opinions.

I don’t want to know about all this, otherwise I will hold myself accountable of what I didn’t do, as we are all guilty of their sufferings…

I found it easier to turn a blind eye, watch those useless talent shows and pretend that this is the real world, along with the vain Kardashians.

And I wonder why do I have to bring another human being into this life? What for? Isn’t it too cruel to bring innocent children into all this? What kind of legacy we’ll be leaving for them?

Then I say to myself, maybe we need some clean spirits, maybe they will be able to clean up our mess, maybe they will be able to bring a fresh breeze of humanity, love, empathy and mercy to this life… maybe all what we are left with is a wish for a better tomorrow, a faith in the unknown future generation… a glimpse of hope…maybe…

lookagain

Rania Hammoud, ACC,Life Coach

www.perfectmind.ca

Check also my blog at http://raniahammoud.blospot.com or atraniahammoud.wordpress.com

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2015-06-12 – Friday Whisper – Procrastination…

Do you think you procrastinate a lot? Do you keep postponing what you want to start? Do you find it difficult to stick to a routine that you wish to follow? You have maybe googled how to fight procrastination, and for sure you have found lots and lots of websites telling you to do some time management, list your to-do list, set the right priorities, get a support group to encourage you to stick to your gym or diet, meditate, etc…. But if you don’t have this incentive, this energy, this excitement to do all this, nothing will be done…you will keep sitting on that couch, watching TV mindlessly, eating your food emotionally, and getting closer to a depression, slowly but surely…. And all what you keep telling yourself is that: you should start, you must do this or that, you keep failing yourself, time is running, you are getting older, you are getting fatter, you are not moving forward in your career or education, and so on, and so on…. While you are still there on that couch…

You think it is because you are procrastinating that you can’t reach any of those goals…

Let me tell you, procrastination is not a reason but a consequence…a consequence of a fear, an emotional load that you have been feeling for a while now… what could it be?

Is it a fear to go outside your comfort zone? Fear of failing? Fear of not accomplishing your goals perfectly? Did you live through a separation, a loss of a beloved one, a miscarriage, a major sickness? Have you been struggling with your self-confidence? Have you been struggling to seek approval of your dad or mom, even if you are in your 30’s, 40’s or 50’s? Are you struggling with your current relationship? Have you been struggling to make ends meet?

Unless you decide to deal with your fear and emotional load first, this will keep pulling you back and hindering you from moving forward.

Maybe you need to face, maybe you need to admit, maybe you need to fight, maybe you need to say No, maybe you need to open up, maybe you need to let go, maybe you need to forgive, or maybe you need to start anew…

Face your daemons, face what you have been avoiding for years now, stop putting it under the carpet or burying it deep down in your soul… it is a living thing that will keep trying to get on the surface, no matter how hard you will try to push it down…

Once you do this, I guarantee you that you will move from one accomplishment to another, with no sweat! All the time management tools and tips you once found on the Internet will become handy and very easy to apply…

Brandon Lee, an American actor, said: “You only have the burdens on you that you choose to put there.”

And George Bernard Show, an Irish playwright, said: “People become attached to their burdens more than the burdens are attached to them”

Don’t waste your years in avoidance or denial… it is not worth it, you deserve to feel satisfied, accomplished and happy…

2015-06-12 – Friday Whisper – Procrastination3

Rania Hammoud, ACC, Life Coach

www.perfectmind.ca

Check also my blog at http://raniahammoud.blospot.com or at raniahammoud.wordpress.com

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2015-04-17 – Friday Whisper – Sri Lanka…

Last week, we went on a short trip to Sri Lanka. Beautiful country indeed…the landscape, waterfalls, rainforests, tea plants, beaches… We visited many cities; Negombo, Kitulgala, Panawala, Kandy, and Nuwara Eliya… Rafting was amazing, hiking was refreshing, visiting a tea factory was informative, riding a speed boat was lots of fun…

The Temple of the Tooth was another beauty; mosques, churches, and temples co-exist peacefully over there…

Yet what I liked most is the simplicity of their life…

They are living easily without a Micheal Kors bag or Dior glasses… They don’t need to be connected all the time… Women look beautiful without cosmetic surgery… Kids are happy without owning tens of different electronic devices…

For many students, their only means of going to school is their legs…they would walk up hills, down hills, road sides, to get to school… for many workers, their shoes are their feet… for tea workers, their daily wages do not exceed $6…

Yet for all of these people, a simple hello or wave can make them smile…

It reminded me that simple life, albeit its difficulties sometimes, can be sufficient to be happy…

I know that if we would give them the choice, many would opt for luxury… and I know most probably I won’t be able to live their lives….yet it made me think how many times we feel bored even with a TV, a mobile, orlaptop…even with a car that can takes us where we want to… How many times we whine because “today’s lunch is the same food as yesterday’s!”, or that our car or phone is not the latest model, or the Internet is too slow because it is taking a whole 3 minutes to download!… How many times we complained that we don’t have enough clothes in our closet (since 4 suits or 5 dresses or 6 pants aren’t enough!)

There is no problem with luxury, there is no problem with wanting to own different things as long as we can afford them and doesn’t make them broke…my problem is when we tie our happiness to those things and feel deprived or poor if we don’t have them…

Lionel Shriver, an American Author, said: “A lot of people get so hung up on what they can’t have that they don’t think for a second about whether they really want it.”

And Bertrand Russel, a British philosopher, said: “It is the preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else that prevents us from living freely and nobly.”

Drop material stuff, gather more life experiences, and Life will have a different taste!

Ramboda Falls

Ramboda Falls

Tea plants workers

Tea plants workers

Rania Hammoud, ACC, Life Coach

www.perfectmind.ca

Check also my blog at http://raniahammoud.blospot.com or at raniahammoud.wordpress.com

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2015-03-27– Friday Whisper – A Letter…

If your children are to write you a letter about how you care about them, aside from the material stuff you get them, what would they write?

20 years from now, would their childhood be something they look back at with a smile or with tears?

40 years from now, how would your children remember you? What would they be nostalgic for? What would they miss from their lives with you?

Once you have children, it is not about you anymore…not about what you like or don’t like, nor it is about what would annoy you or frustrate you… it is about them…You need to get into their world, not the other way around…

You need to get to know them, what they like or dislike, what is their favorite music, movie, food, friends… what they are passionate about and what they are afraid from…

They want you to meet their friends, and they want you to be proud of them in front of them…

You cannot raise your children the way you were raised… they live in a different time, different parents, different place, and different society than yours…

You are not your dad… you are not your mom… and your children are not you…. so you cannot behave like your parents with your children…

And your children are more than just a grade or behavior or a way of thinking…. Each child is a complete world, just like you are…

If grades were what define a person, we wouldn’t have antisocial nerds…we wouldn’t have famous rich drop-out-college people…I am not saying our kids shouldn’t pursue education, I am saying they are more than just a number or an end-of-year average…

If labeling were a way to raise a child, we wouldn’t have low self-esteemed men and women…

If verbal and physical violence were a way to correct a child’s behavior, we wouldn’t have criminals or drug addicts or drunks…

If constant criticism were a way to make a child behave better, we wouldn’t have judgmental adults…

If material stuff was enough to prove that you care about them, we wouldn’t have happy poor people… we wouldn’t have rich people who commit suicide…

A praise by a mom or a dad can never be taken away by the criticism of the world… and a criticism by a mom or a dad will never be replaced by the praise of the world.

Home is more than just a place where we live… it is a place where we feel appreciated, accepted, respected, taken care of, secure and loved… a place that we want to come back to when we are tired, when life does us bad rounds, when we need comfort and help…

Frederick Douglas, an American author, said: “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

And Bill Ayers, an American elementary education theorist, said: “Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.”

Show your love, compassion and empathy, so that your children will strive to become the parent you are for their children…

2015-03-27 – Friday Whisper – a Letter

Rania Hammoud, ACC, Life Coach

www.perfectmind.ca

Check also my blog at http://raniahammoud.blospot.com or at raniahammoud.wordpress.com

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2015-03-13 – Friday Whisper – Seen, Safe and Understood…

I was listening to one of the videos of Anthony Robbins about what makes relationship works; one of the things he said was: “If you want to keep your woman happy and satisfied, you need to know this: A woman needs to be Seen, Safe and Understood.”

She needs to be seen by her man, needs to feel that she is getting his attention…Don’t address her only when you want to ask her to get you something, ask her about something, or blame her for something…

She needs to feel safe… that her partner will be her refuge, will defend her, will provide for her, and will be there for her when she needs him most…Don’t be the first person she ran away from, rather than run towards him…

She needs to feel understood, heard… She needs to feel that she can communicate what is bothering her and he will be there to comfort her, trying to understand her pain… Don’t be there waiting for her to finish her argument, only to start responding to prove yourself right…It is more important to be in love than to be right…

Oh! And when you get intimate with her, shower her with kisses and touches everywhere…make sure that you are making love to her rather than just having sex…

Leo Buscaglia, an American author and motivational speaker, said: “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

And a quote from an unknown said: “Every woman’s heart has instructions. They are written in her eyes, in her smile, through her actions and in her tears. All she has to do is run into someone who cares enough to read them.”

The problem is not that your woman wakes up one day hating you… the problem is if she wakes up feeling indifferent towards you…

Spring nature background with grass and blue sky in the back

Rania Hammoud, Life Coach

http://www.perfectmind.ca

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